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User blog:Berglund/Goodbye Internet
The sunlight seemed to stab me in my eyes as I woke up. It was nice and comfy in bed and I’d much rather just lay here. I turn to my side and nuzzle my face into Dan’s neck. “I don’t wanna get up.” I then kiss his neck. “We’ve got no choice.” He yawns. He turns to me and kisses me softly, “I wish I could stay here all day.” Dan moves his kisses down my cheek to my neck. He then gets up and stretches, he has few freckles visible on his back, I loved them he though he hated them at times. I also loved his curly hobbit hair. He smiled at me and crosses his arms “You uh, planning on getting up?” “No,” I giggle and hide my face under the covers. Dan laughs and leaps on the bed, he grabs me and wrap’s me in a warm hug, his large warm hands fit tightly around my tiny frame “I’ve got my laptop here, and a charger. That’s all I really need to survive.” “What about me?” He asks kissing my cheek. Smirking I responded “I don’t know, you kinda annoy me.” I removed his hands from my waist and got up; I stretched my arms out and yawned dramatically. He followed me as we left his room; I could already hear anime playing on the T.V as I walk into the lounge, instantly the bright colour’s wake me up. Phil was sitting on the sofa intensely watch the T.V and eating crunchines. “PHIL!” I smack my hands loudly “Huh-” he turns around quickly “Oh, hi.” Dan sit’s next to Phil and check’s the time “Oh, shi- I’ve gotta go.” He bursts up. “Go were?” I ask taking a sip of coffee Phil left out for me “I’ve gotta pick something up…” He quickly runs in his room and changes his clothes. “That’s not telling me much.” I take another sip as he walks back into the lounge. “You’ll see.” He says as he kisses my lips gently. Phil stands up next to me and set’s his bowl down “We’ve also all have to film that video later.” He puts his arm on my shoulder “I’m gonna need a tiny person for this.” I shake my head and step away “Thanks buddy.” Dan grabs his oyster card and look’s around “I think I’m good to go….” he mumbled quickly running down the stairs and out the door. “Pleasant morning aye’?” Phil smiles I smile and nod; walking out of the lounge I skip my way back to Dan’s room. “Time to let some light in.” I say to myself opening up the white shades. The sunlight is warm and tingly, with a one dark cloud out; almost as if half of the day is destined to be bright and the other half dark. “It’s been some time since Dan left” I say looking out of the wind in the office. Phil shrugged “Maybe he went to go buy something after he went to pick up what he needed to pick up…” “I just, I feel uneasy.” I clench my fist I could feel something in my chest, like something was missing our out of place. He had been gone for about 5 hours, it was now 12:00 and I was pretty sure something was wrong. This is very unusual for him “Phil.” I sat up “What did he go to pick up?” “I shall not spill the bean-nanos.” I sit and stare at Phil, he just turns his head back to the computer screen and we sit in silence. I look back out the window and get up. I walk down the stairs and into the lounge, as I look out yet another window I pick up my phone and call him. “No answer.” I mumble Turning around I hear the doorbell ring; Phil run’s down the stairs and yell’s “I GOT IT!” Much to my surprise 2 Police Officers walk into the lounge with Phil. Phil’s eyes have a tint of red to them as they turned glassy. I notice the one officer is holding a brown box; I look up and say “What’s going on?” The officer but his lip and looked at me “We came by to let you know that the taxi Dan was riding in was involved in a massive crash.” I rub my hands through my hair; I could feel the tears creeping down my cheeks “He didn’t survive did he?” I said trembling "No one did." I suddenly drop, covering my mouth with my hands; I fall back into the sofa, the 2nd officer set’s the box down next to me. “This is what we recovered from him.” Inside the box set a smaller box full of roses, some stems were broken but most didn’t seem affected. A note was tied to the box it read “Dear Melanie, I cannot begin to even define my love for you. You make me smile and laugh every day and I don’t know where I’d be without sweet soul of yours. I’ve never been so happy to meet someone Happy Anniversary! Love, Dan” My heart broke into a million pieces. I sat there still. “We also found this in his jacket pocket.” The officer handed me a little box, with my fingers shaking I open it. “Oh my god.” I could barely get these words out. Phil sit’s next to me. He looks at his feet and say’s while crying “He was going to ask you to marry him.” The ring is gorgeous; it was golden with a dark blue stone and little white ones next to it. I put it on my finger and looked into the box, Dan’s jacket lay inside; I grabbed it tightly and cried into it. My love was gone, ripped away from me. I loved him and he was taken from me, I knew death was inventible but I didn’t know that this morning was my last time with him. I put my hand on my stomach as Phil hug’s me. “Phhhil,” I say trembling Phil gulp’s holding back his tears and say’s “Yeah?” “I-I-I’m pregnant.” I rest my head on Phil’s shoulder; his eyes are wide as he listens “The worst part is I never told him.” Shortly after the cops had left, I placed all of Dan’s items in his room and cried under his sheet’s. Week’s had passed and I had a key for his room made, I locked it and put the key in a safe, my belly had begun to grow and I was back in my own room. Today was the funeral; it was open casket because the taxi had flipped over into the water rather than blow up. I remained silent through the service; I just sat there. Not feeling a thing. I walked up the casket and stared into the black box. Dan lay inside so cold and lifeless; it burned my eyes to look. A tear ran down my cheek as I kissed his forehead and touched his hand “I don’t know what to do.” I said “I’m scared Dan, I’m so scared. I ‘m scared to raise our baby alone.” I shook my head and walked away, I knew this was my last chance of saying goodbye but one chance wasn’t enough. So I ran, I ran away from it all. By then word got out to the Phandom, Phil and I made a “Goodbye Internet” video of Dan on his channel including all of his best moments and biggest smiles. At the end we made an announcement, Phil was too continue to make videos but I, I needed time away. I flew back home to my parents in America. I told them about the baby and they were happy to help me raise it. It’s been 4 years since Dan’s death, but it still feels like it just happened. Since then I’ve returned to England where Phil has helped me raise my little girl. He decided to step in and be a father figure since I wasn’t up for finding new people. “It’s the old flat.” I smiled as I walked up with Phil “I figured it was best to return.” He put his arm around me. As we all walked in we were greeted by old possessions of ours, the lounge was still bright as can be. “ This is where mommy lived.” I smiled down at my daughter She jumped around “I loooooovvvee it!” “Let’s go see the office.” Phil took her hand The 2 soon were laughing as they walked up the stairs. I walked down the hall and frowned as I saw Dan’s door, I looked down at the key in my hand Phil gave me. I knew Phil had cleaned and maintained the flat, he had seen the room so often since Dan died, but today way my first day back. I opened up the door and took a deep breath “Back again.” I say as the touched the soft bed. As I sat in that room memories replayed through my mind, like the time I rolled around on his bed as he wrote a section for The Amazing Book Is Not on Fire, and the time when we were awoken to Pete Wentz prank calling him and how Dan felt dumb for the rest of the day and how he laughed at himself about it. To this day I still miss his smile, his laugh, and most importantly I miss his soul. Category:Blog posts